How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
My own pressing question for the day:
Why is it that the things in life that are truly "good" for me, the things that I benefit most from--are the things that I dread most?
For example:
Ask me what I would choose to eat, show me a menu and the last thing I choose is a salad. Now when I EAT salad (maybe it comes with my meal or maybe I am being disciplined and order one), it is delicious and satisfying.
Another example:
Cleaning...what would I choose to do for the day-visit with friends, get out of the house, etc., of anything I could do, cleaning comes up last...but give me an unplanned weekend and a bucket of cleaning supplies. I sit down when the deeds are done and bask in the glory of a clean slate!
It could go on...
Given spare moments, do I exercise for a half hour or fill up my time with other activities that appear to be less "work" (facebook, a bath, reading a book, etc.) The rare times that I have been taking lately to exercise, the feeling when I'm done is a rewarding one!
I see it throughout my workday as well.
So why is it that I focus on the agony involved and not the end result? Why can't I ask myself the question-
What is going to make the most sense of my time? Or my health?
Rather than go for the short-term indulgence...can't I want what is best in the end? What is more gratifying? I think it is because it takes discipline that I seem to lack. I get caught up in the whims that life throws at me and take my eyes off of the finish line!
And perhaps the reasons or even excuses if you will, could go on. I used to be very philosophical. Something happened over time that made that go away-or maybe it was there the whole time and I just didn't share it.
It is almost February and though I've become a bit more organized with my time management, bill-paying, grocery shopping, working toward some "New Year's Goals," I think it is time that I make some right choices.
What is best for the long haul?
What is healthy for my mind, my body, my spirit?
What will be the best example to set for my children?
What exactly IS God's will?
The struggle and sacrifice will be worth the reward, of course without the reward being the motivation.
18 Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers,
1 comment:
Wow, that is 'heavy' but sums up pretty much what I think a lot of people feel. Thanks for sharing - Love ya, C
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