I consider myself positive mostly (don't get me wrong, I complain with the best of 'em), but for quite sometime, while I pray that the Lord fill my heart with the Holy Spirit daily, I struggled something fierce.
For the first time in a looong time, I feel happy, I know feelings cannot always be trusted and I KNOW that sometimes it's more about what you know than it is how you feel. Trust me! I Know. Just for now, I am going to allow my highly emotional self to FEEL HAPPY! (And no...it's not hormones!)
Without going into every single detail about every step of the way, we have discovered that Christian has some special needs. His special needs have brought us down a road that has led to at home therapy much of the day. You see, the typical classroom is not the place for him right now and I need to figure out how he ticks and how we can "unconventionally" make adjustments to help him, both academically, but mostly psychologically.
I've always been interested in how the brain works and here's my chance to learn first hand. There is an issue with his central nervous system which, when overloaded, sends him into a fight or flight state. He really thinks/feels that someone is trying to harm him. He's scared, but it looks like rage. Once given the opportunity to calm down (much like adrenaline), he can cope normally and carry on. Maybe you've witnessed this...maybe not.
Like I said, now is unfortunately not the time to get into specifics, but our lives are changing like gears through a mountain grade! Up down, up, up, down, up! We have adjustments to make and some of us-check that-all of us are actually grieving. Some still in denial, some blaming ourselves, but none-the-less--a wide range of emotions that change by the hour some days.
And don't forget about Mallory. The sweet girl that God made her, has without knowing it, made herself Christian's biggest advocate up until recently. Her own sensitivities have taught her best how to cope with certain situations and at times, training us as parents how best to work through certain issues. She, too, is jumping around in our family mobile, not sure where to level off at just yet.
So thankful for prayers, and please don't stop because I know He hears us. I know He's orchestrating from up above the most perfect symphony of life. Sending cues to just the right people at just the right time to step in and guide us through this beautifully written piece.
Christian will still be going to school to hear Word of God and to see his wonderful friends in 1st grade. I want to be sure to be clear that this is not in any way...shape...or form anything that St. Paul's school cannot handle. Right now, he just can't handle school. Period. And I'm going to do all that I can to get him to the point that he can...he'll just enjoy it and probably appreciate it more than most once that time comes.
Until then...if a phone call goes unreturned or an e-mail seems lost in cyberspace...it just might take longer than normal and if it's pressing, just be sure to say so! We're probably outside doing dandelion math or wrastling around, punching out loose teeth!
...and that's just another blog entry.
1a]">[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;
2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
-Psalm 25
